War of the Words

There’s a cake of soap sitting on our lounge at the moment.

At first I wondered why it was there, but then I realised the implications: our son was playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles® on the PlayStation®.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I come from a long line of “Mind your Manners” and “We don’t use that kind of language in our house”.

I mean to say, when my mother was a young adult still at home (before my father supposedly swept her off her feet and into the world of motherhood and all it entails) she was learning to use the ol’ Singer® sewing machine (a classic in this day and age, and if you happen to see one in the antique shops grab it for heaven’s sake, they’re worth a fortune…but I digress). She was having some difficulty in getting the bobbin to catch- the cotton kept snapping- so she said: “Oh you bloody thing!” Unfortunately for her my nan was within earshot and promptly took her to task saying “If that machine is going to cause you to use such language, well you can give it away right now!”

Oh we LOL about it these days, but back then even such a mild curse caused chaos in the household…heaven forbid anyone said anything worse than that!

Nowadays the things my kids bring home from school (and the so-called “hilarious” screensavers and ringtones my stepson has on his mobile) could cause my hair to curl even if it weren’t already predisposed to doing so!

We thought we were doing so well for the first few years. Oh I would be lying if I said no swear word ever left my mouth- after all, I’m a media hound from way back, and a mother to boot. But we always try to tone it down in front of the kids.Sadly, as soon as our little boy hit kindergarten, his vocabulary took on a life of its own.

Happily, it seems to be more of a ‘boy-thing’ at the moment as our daughter isn’t exhibiting the same finesse with the F word as our son has demonstrated (also while playing a video game). But he’s only done it once, I can assure you.

Mind you, in view of equal rights for the sexes and all, I should make mention of one time my little girl tried some big bad words on for size.

She and her brother were arguing (about who loved the other the most would you believe?!) when next thing my darling daughter, hands on hips, declared “Oh what a load of bullsh*t!”
Now, how hard is it to reprimand when you’re having trouble keeping a straight face, I ask you?!

Scary thing was, it was a frighteningly accurate impression of her mother. Yes it was mini-me in action!

After the laughter, I reminded Miss V that it was a grown-up turn of phrase, which shouldn’t turn up in the course of her conversations! (I even apologised for being the inspiration for it, trying to set a good example and all.)

As for the silly sayings for body parts, well that’s enough for a blog of its own. Suffice to say that I really wonder about what other parents are thinking using names like “doodle”, wee wee”, “pee pee”, and let’s not forget “willy” for the male appendage. And what is it with “front bottom” for little girls I ask you?? Front bottom!! No, we have always called them by their proper names (much to my Beloved’s embarrassment at first when our daughter was born- harking back to his experiences of childhood, perhaps?) … but once again when our son started mixing with other kids at pre-school, he even started to think that they were rude or dirty words and cause for naughty celebration.

Sitting in the bath with his little sister, all of age 2 himself, my son was merrily saying “Bagina” this, “Bagina” that, until my husband and I were forced to admonish him for the inappropriate use. The cheeky little devil looked his father in the eye and said “B- b- b- b- boat.”

Again, it’s kinda hard to remind them about the right use of language when you’re giggling too much to talk.

Anyway, back to TMNT on the PS2 and that cake of soap on the lounge… apparently replacing the obvious with the word “shell” isn’t enough to distract my son from the fact that there are swear words lurking nearby. It’s even worse if he plays The Simpsons™. *shudder*

So just like my nan whenever mum was using the infamous Singer sewing machine, if our son’s on the PlayStation, my Beloved is hovering nearby- our family’s very own Language Police- in a bid to keep our kids’ mouths as clean as we can. At least until they grow up and move out at any rate. Lord knows he won’t get away with the soap trick then! ;-D

Jx
©2009

PS: On the flipside, I had to laugh the other day when Miss V came home from her school excursion to a local wildlife reserve called 'Blackbutt'. She was telling her aunty on the 'phone all about her trip to 'Blackbottom'! ROFL