Hi Ho, Hi Ho...

I’ve decided that looking for work is a real chore.

After 20+ years on one career path, I’ve been forced into a change of direction after an altercation at an intersection. It wasn’t the way I had my working life mapped out, but due to another driver checking out her red lips instead of the red lights in front of her, well my life was given a bum steer. Literally.

Doctor’s orders put me on restricted hours so my boss in his generosity said he’d restrict my hours all right, and took me off the roster altogether. What a lovely man. I wish him well, I really do. (Why no, I have no idea why your sarcasm detector is going off right now! Must be faulty.)

So after about a year of being unemployed and injured, with my self-esteem plummeting as low as our bank balance, I found myself starting a whole new career - albeit on minimum wage and minimum hours.

But unfortunately, as things happen, that work isn’t working out, so I’ve been checking out the classifieds for something else to keep the debt collectors off the doorstep.

Today, my daughter wants to help me look, pointing out various vacancies that she thinks I should apply for.

Now, as we all know, there’s a big difference between what you imagine you could do for a living when your whole life is in front of you, and what you really can do, when your working life is half over. (Yes, sadly I had to forgo my dream of being the next female super sleuth of the century! *sigh*) It also helps if you can read fluently.

I look at each of the jobs Miss V selects, all prefaced with a “How ‘bout this one Mama?”

Motor Mechanic. Ah, no, not when my skills with things mechanical are limited to popping the bonnet and checking the oil and water.

Senior Hair Stylist. With the battle I have each school day trying to arrange my daughter’s hair into some semblance of neatness? Are you kidding me?!

Here we go, Waste Management Services…while I manage to deal with enough garbage on a daily basis to make me an expert in the field, I still don’t possess the necessary skill set to get paid for it.

Aquatic Ecologist. You know, I don’t even know what that is, so I’m guessing it counts me out.

Child Care Assistant- Good Lord no! I’d like to go to work to take a break from my fulltime job thankyouverymuch!!

And so it goes… my 5 y.o. points out the different ads, and I make a point of politely declining her choices.

I’m starting to think that I may have to stick with Plan A and just win the $20 million in Lotto tonight and put an end to this endless search for career satisfaction, when my darling little girl gives it one final shot:“Here’s one Mama, can you do that?”

I turn my gaze to where her little finger is hovering above the words ‘In Memoriam’

“Ahhh, no, baby, that’s definitely out!”

While I have no doubt that even I possess the skills capable of undertaking that particular position, it’s not one that I wish to apply for any time soon!

Yep, Plan A’s looking better all the time. Or perhaps I’ll have to go with Plan B- $50 million OzLotto this Tuesday.

So if my next post comes through to you from, oh say, Ireland, well you know Plans A or B have come good for me. Otherwise, I’ll have to go back to hiding behind the curtains when the mailman calls…

Jx
©2009