Too Many Toothbrushes

My kids come from a long line of hoarders. It’s sad, but true.

While my Beloved and I are both prone to hanging onto stuff that “might be useful someday”, the kids just can’t let go of toothbrushes, among other things.

Given the recommended natural attrition rate of one every 3 to 6 months, we’re talking a whole lotta bristles!

At last count they were up to about 12 apiece.

Thanks to clever marketing by manufacturers, cartoon characters feature heavily (oh yeah, ‘pester power’ is alive and well in the toothbrush aisle). There is Eve and Wall-E, Shrek, pretty much all the Disney Princesses, Mater and Lightning McQueen, Buzz and Woody, Winnie the Pooh and crew, and my son’s latest addition is Bart Simpson. There are also toothbrushes shaped like koalas and other animals (don’t ask me why), as well as the ‘boring’ plain plastic variety in almost every hue.

There are toothbrushes from almost before they had teeth still lurking around- would you believe- toothbrushes that have been chewed more times than any stick of gum, there’re even toothbrushes that I actually don’t recall as belonging to my children at any given time. This is one serious addiction.

But any effort we make to take them away to toss is a dead loss as far as these children are concerned.

The other thing our clutter-loving kids like to hang onto long past their use-by date, is the cardboard roll that once was home to the toilet paper. I cannot even calculate by regular means how many of those have done their thing at the commode yet are still floating about our abode!

I blame myself for that one, as I’m a bit of a crafty greenie, you could say. My kids have learnt that it’s not good to simply throw things away, it’s better to find other ways to reuse or recycle. And so we have no less than 6 of the aforementioned crap-wrap inserts (you can thank my Beloved for that description) currently decorating our dinner table, in the guise of cardboard caricatures of our family (even the dog got a look-in)!

So intent on adding to the roll roundup, my kids have become experts in using up the stuff almost as quick as I can replace it and without word of a lie, you can hear the RINNN-nin-nin-NIN-nin of the toilet paper being spun right off the roll at each visit. If you have kids, I know you know that sound. (One of my girlfriends knows it even better than I do- and she feeds the addiction by buying loo rolls in bulk!)

And it’s a sad state of affairs that we can’t even donate the offending offcuts to the school anymore, as OH&S regulations forbid sending anything in that may have come into contact with contamination. (Whoever wrote that rule has obviously used the bathroom after my son!)

We have tried many ways to wean them off their toothbrush and toilet roll fixation, but learnt a long time ago that if you wanna throw one out, you simply cannot use any garbage can at their eye level or it comes right back out again (talk about your OH&S issues right there!). The only way to do it is under cover of darkness, right before the weekly wheelie-bin collection. That, or let them see me using one of the well-worn brushes to scrub the shower (the “Ewww” factor can work in our favour sometimes).

And so despite our best efforts, our house is home to enough toothbrushes to keep Dr Teeth in business, with enough empty toilet rolls to create a full size reconstruction of the Parthenon!

We can only reassure ourselves with the fact that at least our kids are well-practised in personal hygiene, and when they leave home someday you can be sure that any remaining collections will be personally packed by their parents to make the move along with them.

There’s only, ooh, 15 more years ‘til then, which means roughly 60 toothbrushes and 1500 toilet rolls, if you go by the average family usage.

Hmmm…maybe it’d be easier for us parents to move out instead.

Jx
©2009