The Not-So-Wicked Stepmother

It took me ten years to become a mum.

But less than one before I was launched into the alien world of adolescence.

Because, even before my first-born was born, I was thrust onto planet parenthood with the arrival in our household of my stepson, then aged 9.

If being a mother is one of the hardest jobs in the world, I can tell you a stepmother’s lot is a whole lot harder.

Aside from the obvious difference between a birth and a ‘blended’ parent, just look at the bad rap stepmothers have been given over the years. She’s invariably cast as the villain in the piece in all the classic fairytales and plays from writers like the Brothers Grimm, Shakespeare…even the ancient Greek playwright Euripides who lived way back in 480-406 BC is quoted as saying: "Better a serpent than a stepmother!" Boo, Hissssssss.

And I’m holding Disney personally responsible for a lot of it: just look at their adaptations of Cinderella, Snow White, even “Enchanted” features the classic ‘Wicked Stepmother’ character. She's usually ugly too, just to add insult to injury (although Susan Sarandon is still gorgeous at age 63, if you ask me)!

Kinda makes it tough on the rest of us in that role.

To make it even harder, my stepson was told he didn’t have to listen to me since I wasn’t his ‘real’ mother (no prizes for guessing who gave him that helpful little piece of advice). So I found myself resorting to the age-old trick of parenthood in any guise: reverse psychology. If I wanted him to do something, I simply said for him not to. You can’t argue with that (even if one does have O.D.D.).

But being a stepmother can also make it simpler to deal with certain conversations and situations that can make a biological parent cringe. Since we’re “the bad guy” anyway, we may as well blunder in where others dare to tread.

Like with the facts of life.

When my stepson came to live with us, he had no clue whatsoever about the differences between men and women, let alone where babies come from. And since I was pregnant at the time, a crash course in sex education was definitely on the cards.

Here I pause and reflect upon my Beloved’s insightful and informative approach. It went something like: girls don’t have the bits boys have and so girls have the babies. And left it at that. Naturally I had to step in and explain a few things, especially since he was in the delivery room with us barely minutes after my son was born. Yes, seeing me in all my glory (complete with Grumpy-the-Dwarf nightshirt and wearing a sick-bowl as a party hat) certainly brought him up to speed. And how.

Fast forward a few years and my 16 y.o. stepson has moved back to his mother. You can imagine my utter delight when he informs me that his also 16 y.o. girlfriend spends nearly every night with him in his caravan, so I straight up asked if they were practicing safe sex. He did the ‘Aw shutup’ thing and denied it, but I pressed ahead anyway: “Just make sure you use protection, because the last thing you need at your age is a baby, ok? Or a disease!” I got the distinct impression that no one else had been game enough to venture forth on the topic, so we chatted about it a bit. When I later related the conversation to my Beloved, he kinda blushed (god love him) and said “I’m glad he’ll talk to you about stuff like that.”

He also says he prefers me to take him for driving lessons over anyone else because apparently I don’t yell at him anywhere near as much as the others do. I told him I’m saving my breath lest I need it for screaming. (He thinks I’m kidding.) Mind you, it’s a little scary when he’s laughing so much he can’t keep the car going in a straight line. (I never realized just how handy those little straps above the window really are, until now.)

Yes it’s certainly a different kind of parenting when there’s a “step” involved. But if you’re lucky you can develop a special kind of relationship, in spite of the odds.

And so, back to my original point about stepmothers and the reputation we’ve been given over the centuries, maybe we’re really not so wicked in the traditional sense, more like “wikkid” in the way that perhaps only a teenager can appreciate.

I’m hanging out for the day Disney makes a movie with that kind of happy ending.

Let’s just hope it comes out well before I become a wicked stepgrandmother…

*cackles*

Jx
©2009

Out of the Mouths of Babes

I recently read with great interest the findings of a survey into what kids are looking up online.

The results were surprising, to say the least.

“Sex” doesn’t get a look in until after You Tube, Google and Facebook.

And “Boobs” (#28), “Naked girls” (#86), and other X-rated stuff only accounts for 9 of the 100 items on the list. Yep, apparently less than 10% of time spent searching the public arena involves private parts.

Seems kids these days are more interested in the funny stuff than any funny business, if you know what I’m saying.

That’s good to hear, in a world where the F-bomb is dropped a little too easily for my liking, and mainstream television provides an education that was totally taboo when I was a kid. My mum used to turn the TV off altogether if there was even a hint of something ‘rude’. To this day she still does the “tsk” thing if something raunchy is depicted while we’re in the same room. (Doesn’t stop her reading all those romance novels though does it, hmm?)

Perhaps I lived a sheltered childhood, but the most risqué thing we kids did was when the boys of the class punched the numbers 58008 into the calculator and turned it upside down (in my case it was 55378008, but that issue’s well and truly behind me these days...or rather, the proof to the contrary is way out in front).

The wildest we ever got was giggling whenever the word “bloody” appeared in the history books (whilst conspiratorially whispering the accompanying rhyme: “Bloody’s in the Bible, bloody’s in the book, if you don’t believe me go and have a bloody look!” *snigger*).

So it’s somewhat reassuring to see that of all the possible paths a kid could be taking on the information superhighway, there’s still some innocence at play here.

I bet the folk who ran the study had a few raised eyebrows at the results, but in a good way, mind you.

Yes despite the fact that the youth of today have questionable taste in music (something that’s never gonna change), and are also easily amused, judging by the searches for 'Fred’ (‘Figglehorn’, on YouTube, FYI)… it’s nice to know that the children aren’t being exposed to too much adult content, by choice anyway. (Who hasn’t been well and truly surprised by some of the results one gets from supposed innocent enquiries?!)

It’s certainly good news for any parent concerned about what the kids are doing once they sit in front of a computer screen.

Although you may wanna worry if you’re the parent of a child who types “Google.com” into a search site. (Seriously, using a search engine to find a search engine…what’s up with that?)

As it happens, the day I found my stepson had been searching for “pron” (sic) was the day I knew we had nothing to worry about.

That was one time we were happy he’d never won a spelling bee. Lord knows I wasn’t going to be the one to show him where to find www.dictionary.com!

Jx
©2009