Wax on, Wax off

I love winter.

Not necessarily the red noses, or dry cracked skin, or family tag-team with the various viruses doing the rounds. No, what I love about winter is, you can hide your legs and armpits.

Because one of the most pressing questions ever to perplex a woman surrounds the issue of hair removal.

What is the most effective method?

A lot of time and effort has gone into finding the ideal answer to this question, and there are a lot of options to choose from: shaving, waxing, epilation, depilatory creams, laser, bleach…just to name a few.

To my knowledge, not one single solution has been discovered that is permanent and painless. And let’s not forget cheap!

As soon as it is, I’ll be blogging about it!

Now, I’m fairly fortunate in that I am not among the ranks of those who are constantly aware of their hair, nor have to daily indulge in addressing it (and by that I don’t mean giving it some cute nickname like 'Yowie' or 'Yeti', although that could be appropriate at times).

But I have been blessed with the pale Irish skin and dark Irish hair to make me have to take care of things from time to time. Oh and having had a gorilla for a father doesn’t help.

Yes, anyone who doubts the close relationship between humans and apes has not yet met the male members of my family. At some stage in these men’s lives, their hair decides it’s just too darn far to travel to the top of their head, so sprouts from their shoulders instead!

And so, since we have a bit of time before the subject (and certain body parts) has to see the light of day, let's look at some of the more accessible methods.

Bleach is a bugger, especially if you get it places it really shouldn’t go (and I’m not just talking ‘bout your favourite bath towel here, if you know what I mean). And all it really does it highlight the fact that you have hair there- especially when caught in full summer sunlight (Hello, hairy halo)!

Depilatory creams have such a strong smell that you may as well wear a sign afterwards saying “I just dehaired myself!” Plus it’s an annoying waste of time sitting around trying not to smudge the stuff for fear of leaving telltale patches of fur.

Epilation hurts quite like nothing else I’ve ever known. Luckily it’s one of the ways to keep hair at bay for a few weeks so the torture can be spread out. (I only have to text my friend the words “Holy Mother of God” and she knows that I have the epilator out again.) But if you get too close to denser areas of hair, you can jam the thing and no amount of pleading is going to get it out of there without tears or potential blood loss.

And I have to confess that after an incident with a razor as a teenager I will only consider that particular method as the very last resort (take it from me: it is never a good idea to scratch your face while shaving your legs!) Plus, the time spent shaving is way out of proportion to the time spent being hairless, but once you start you just can’t stop (kinda like Pringles, without the tasty interlude).

As for laser (or intense light) hair removal, unfortunately in my current financial circumstances, that’s not an option and I’ve heard once you head towards that light you really gotta keep going ‘til there’s no hair there; and there's no guarantee that'll happen anyway.

I’ve even tried those funny little glove things you put over your hand and kinda file the hair off, like an emery board for the body. Sure it does a nice job of exfoliating as you go, and also gives the old bingo wings a workout, but honestly, by the time you reach your toes, the hair has grown back on your thighs!

So that leaves waxing, my preferred torture in the name of hairlessness.

Now, it’s often been commented that you've gotta be somewhat masochistic to let someone heat up wax and spread it on your legs (and other regions), wait for it to set, then rip it off, extracting the hapless hair- roots and all.

Here I also must warn you of the danger of DIY waxing. Aside from the obvious discomfort, you need to be well up on your yoga in order to put yourself in the positions required to remove the wax without taking your skin off with it. And for those venturing near the bikini line I cannot stress enough the importance of wearing underwear as you go! Happily, this time I was not the one who inadvertently stuck her legs together at a most unfortunate area (seriously, would YOU be brave enough to move if it happened to you?)!

But if you get the right therapist there can be the minimum amount of teeth clenching and fingernail imprints left in their beauty bench.

I even nodded off once during the procedure.

Mind you I was almost 8 months pregnant at the time and was doing the deforestation routine before our trip to the maternity ward.

There I was, barely able to get up on the treatment table (thank heavens for those motorised numbers), and actually could not even see the therapist working below the belt, thanks to The Bump between us… and I was soooo tired from growing my bub, that I actually dozed off. Even the therapist couldn’t believe it. It’s hardly a relaxing process, after all.

Unfortunately, unless you plan on being permanently pregnant (and that could be a tad tricky for any males who like to get their ‘manscaping’ done), there’s really nothing else for it except perhaps pop a paracetamol before you go or just grin and bare it.

Yes I for one am ecstatic that summer is still a good 4 months off yet…I have a great excuse to keep myself covered until absolutely necessary. You never know, someone might even have a brainstorm about abolishing body hair between now and then, so watch this space (just don’t pay too much attention to the legs or you could see a yeti yet)!

Jx
©2009