Clean Machine

Whose bright idea was it to put white cupboard doors in the kitchen?

I asked myself this very question for the umpteenth time as I crouched down on the linoleum to attack the marks that were all too apparent against the creamy background, if you looked closely enough.

Like so many endeavours, it seemed like a good idea at the time- the light laminate would brighten the previously cacky khaki that graced the room, and give the impression of more space in the tiny little galley style kitchen.

But I didn’t think it through, obviously, and forgot an often-used ingredient in food preparation at our house: my family.

Anyone else who’s the proud owner of a husband and/or small children will know only too well the amount of mess they can make. For those who don’t, take a quick read of Dr Seuss’s ‘The Cat In the Hat Comes Back’ to see how one seemingly small spot can spread to alarming proportions by someone trying to be ‘helpful’.

With the imminent arrival of the mother-in-law (M-I-L) on the weekend I cast a critical eye across the workspace and in lieu of little cats A through Z, I thought I’d best get going on a quick clean-up myself. Easier said than done. Especially with creamy cupboards in the mix.

As soon as I was satisfied that one door wasn’t dirty, I noticed with chagrin that its neighbour now needed attention and made my way around the kitchen scrubbing one then the next.  Since it’s better for bad backs to actually sit on the floor to complete this feat, I found myself unfortunately (or conveniently- the jury’s still out on that one) placed at eye level with the kickboards below.  And my eyes did not like what they saw.  After I’d given those a wipe down I was drawn to the stainless steel appliances in the room (another bright idea that in hindsight isn’t so shiny).  Sure they look nice and tidy, but the professed finger-mark-free finish sure isn’t living up to its promise and I spent a good few minutes polishing the prints off, before dragging out the glass cleaner to ensure the oven door was also spot-free.

It was only then when I looked at our shiny new splashback that I realized our folly was greater than I had even imagined.

Sure it all looks spick and span in the showroom where it’s someone’s job to keep it squeaky clean for the customers, but give it a decent dinnertime or two and you’ll be lucky to see your reflection peering back at you from its once-glossy surface.

And on it went.  Me moving ‘round the room with my environmentally-friendly cleaning products, while the clocks on the oven and the microwave teased me with their ticking, bringing the inspector ever closer (OK so she doesn’t come with a white glove, but then again she doesn’t need to!). Meanwhile the kids were causing chaos in another part of the house, while My Beloved was outside playing handyman with the drains that never fail to fill to overflowing this time of year.

You can imagine my reaction when a mud-speckled man came into my kitchen looking for a well-earned drink.

“Out, out damn spot” I cried while flapping the now tattered dish cloth at him, and

chased him from the house to scrape off another layer of dirt before being allowed back in.

So now I am once again the proud if not anxious owner of a sparkling clean kitchen, with every white door, glossy splashback, and stainless steel appliance accounted for.

And I am determined it will remain that way for the duration of M-I-L’s visit.

Or until dinnertime anyway.

Jx

©2010