Movie Magic

You have never had the full High Definition movie experience until you have experienced watching a movie with my kids.

Never the shy and retiring little wallflowers at any rate, they are especially vocal on any and every excursion to the cinema, not even the dimming of the lights can dim their enthusiasm. My role in every movie is to sit with one child either side so that I am within easy reach for any scary or sad bits, also well placed to provide regular reminders that there are others around us also trying to watch the film and can we please keep it down?

Oh no, my two children (one of either gender to ensure a fully balanced picture) are natural born critics and take it upon themselves to give running commentary on the events unfolding on the silver screen, along with the requisite attempts to guess what is yet to come, even pontificating on the moral of the story or underlying theme. Sometimes their efforts are so vociferous I fear that we won’t get to see how the story ends if the ushers decide to show us the exit instead.

So any time we actually see a movie when first released -as opposed to waiting until it’s on DVD and “on special” as what is usually within our budget (my goodness some cinemas are expensive!) - I barely get to ponder the plotline so busy am I plotting how to keep my kids quiet for the duration. (Just quietly, I sometimes have to purchase said DVD once it goes on special anyway, just to find out what the heck happens!)

On that note, you can tell just how much my two have enjoyed a movie judging by how quickly they ask “Can we please buy a copy when it’s available?” so they can watch it again in the peace (and I use that term loosely) and privacy of our own home. The better the movie the faster the request- a really good movie doesn’t even get us as far as the front door of the theatre before going on our 'gotta buy' list.

Another telling trait of a winning film is whether there are any trips to the bathroom while the show is showing. My daughter has the uncanny knack of needing to pee a mere ten minutes from the end of the flick- and we all know by now my son’s habit of utilizing public restrooms at every available opportunity- but if the movie is that good, they can miraculously manage to hold on until the end credits roll. Sometimes it’s a mad dash after that, but at least we get our money’s worth up to that point!

What’s even better than seeing new movies with the children, is watching old flicks through new eyes. And quite an eye-opener as to how much I missed the first time around. Or maybe I just wasn’t paying enough attention.

While exposing our offspring to the earthly wonders of ‘ET’ one weekend, my Beloved and I found ourselves locking eyes more than we have since the early days of dating; only this time we were exchanging gazes of amusement at the narration coming from the critics on the couch between us (Oh yes, the seating allocation remains the same at home as in the theatre).

For example, when Elliot ventures out in the dark in search of their unearthly visitor, Critic #1 observes “Oh look, he’s gone outside after his mother told him not to!”
“And only in his socks!!” exclaims Critic #2.

Then when Michael boards the bus for school with some rather raucous classmates our safety-conscious daughter declares “They really shouldn’t be standing up on the bus like that.”
“Yeah,” our son says, “distracting the driver is dangerous!”

At another point, when the mom dashes out the door to collect an apparently intoxicated Elliot- leaving 5 year old Gertie behind at the house- Critic #1 cries out: “You would never leave us at home alone would you mum?”
“Why didn’t she just take her with her?” is the perfectly logical rejoinder from critic #2.

Now, I was 12 when Mr Spielberg’s masterpiece was first released, 4 years older than my oldest is now, but darned if I was aware of details like that. I never seemed to notice just how much swearing there was in some of those apparently ‘Family Films’ either. I just went along for the ride, and like the rest of the audience cheered when Elliot and ET rode away from Mr Keys and the bad-guys on that magically airborne BMX.

Maybe it’s true what they say, that kids are growing up too fast these days; It certainly seems the aging process is working its wonders on me too: I have turned into my mother, inwardly cringing every time someone says or does something on screen that is somewhat inappropriate for small children.

While not yet resorting to the repertoire of “Tsk”s and tiny gasps of horror that my mum has gotten down to a fine art, I try to pre-empt any nasty bits with a tried and true distraction technique – offering the kids the popcorn or lolly bag at the crucial moment.

When it comes down to it, I’d take their innocent (if ongoing) narration any day over them incorporating some R-rated vocabulary into their PG world.

And as far as watching flicks with the kids, I’d give the experience 5 stars every time.

Jx
©2010